As men evolve, we are questioning conventional masculine values in favor of something more considered and authentic. Traditionally, a man’s role has been to go out into the world and work. Men are starting to realize that work alone is not enough to make them happy or foster healthy relationships with their partners and children.
Men are often absent from home because they are pulled away by jobs, social obligations, divorce, war, or incarceration. Some men are absent even when they are physically home, spending time in the garage, watching sports, or drinking too much, for example. Absence disrupts our ability to form deeper bonds with our families. It also takes away our confidence, our sense that we can help or that we even belong.
Compared to women, most men don’t grow up with as much caretaking experience. Many men don’t feel capable of caring for children on their own. The role feels foreign to them. This comes in part from our conditioning and also from our lack of role models.
But fathers are an essential part of the parenting dynamic if they choose to participate. A man’s absence from the home leaves a void. We deprive our children and our partners of our masculine gifts. And we don’t fully embody all we have to offer, leaving us less fulfilled and less valued. Choosing to be physically and emotionally present with our children may be the most powerful change a man can make as a father.
Men bring a sense of protection and stability to the home. This is the Warrior and the King role. We can act as a buffer to the outside world, helping the home feel like a sanctuary for everyone who lives there. As the liaison to everything external, we can provide children with safe and trusted accompaniment outside the house, appropriately preparing them for the challenges of adult life. Dads are perfect cheerleaders for calculated risk and new growth opportunities.
We also have a presence that can ground the family if we are balanced, loving, and joyful. This is the Divine Masculine in action. We can set a tone that allows others to feel lighthearted and free to express themselves. Our Lover can offer deep affection and nurturing, especially when supporting our partners if they are carrying more of the responsibility for the children.
These examples reflect conventional masculine energies. When we are on a path of self-discovery, we find our uniqueness and share that with our families. Maybe it’s our organizational skills or our sense of humor. In that way, we are seen and accepted, contributing to the cycle of love within the home. It’s also a way to lead by example, which is the strongest form of teaching we can give our children.
What if you don’t have kids, they’ve grown up, or you’re not close with them? You can still be a caring, masculine influence on those around you. Every young man needs the blessing of a wise older man to help set him on the path to manhood. Doing so is just as important as raising your own children. It’s important to acknowledge that men can play a pivotal role in seeing, celebrating, and helping younger men feel valuable. This includes teaching and handing down skills and traditions, knowledge carried through the generations.
Men need to understand that leadership as fathers means being an example, which requires knowing who you are and having the courage to live from that knowledge. We are meant to be human alongside our children, sharing our lives openly and honestly.
The younger generation doesn’t need to see stoic men pretending they know everything, hiding their emotions, capitalizing on privilege, or claiming to be fearless. They need well-balanced men, strong and confident, yet open-hearted and flexible. They need men who have earned wisdom through a well-lived, thoughtful life, men who understand their masculinity and are ready to teach it. They need men who apologize when they make a mistake, take accountability for their actions, and strive to leave the world better than they found it.
The hardest thing I’ve done as a father is slow down and simply be with my kids, allowing them to be themselves without an agenda. Any man who’s done it knows it’s often more difficult than our jobs. Doing the inner work in my own life has allowed me to see the value of being a true caretaker and creating the container for them to flourish. But it took a shift from doing to being.
We can change the culture of how men engage as fathers. We need to acknowledge that we have gifts to offer our families and that being present with our children and partners is worthwhile. It will enrich our lives as much as it enriches theirs. Finding purpose starts in the home and expands out across the globe. Maybe we came here to change the world. But that starts with fully embodying all we can be and sharing that vitality with whomever we’re with in the present moment, including our kids.
Many Blessings,
tyler
